This is the Eulogy I would have given at mums Celebration of Life if time was permitted, but it had to be cut down.  If you want the full version please read on:

Our Beautiful Mum

What can we tell you about our mum?

She was a lioness fiercely protective and loyal to her family especially her 5 girls and besotted with her husband Peter, our dad and woe be tied anyone who hurt us. We grew up knowing we were so loved by them both.

Mum would be there by our side whatever we were going through and whenever we needed her.  She was always happy to lend a hand.  Mum would even fight our battles for us for example when we were too frightened to return anything to the shops, she would even if we didn’t have a receipt.  One time she even went into a pub to confront someone that was cheating with one of our boyfriends, I won’t tell you which one of us it was.

Mum enjoyed family gatherings especially the annual BBQ’s around mine and John’s house being with all her daughters, son-in-laws, grandchildren and the occasional great grandchild.  I think she secretly enjoyed being with the grandchildren that smoked as she would go off into the “smoking corner” with them and listen to them chatting about everything and anything.  I think she thought she was down with the kids 😊.  Boxing days were another highlight in mums’ annual calendar but when the family grew too big we had to move the venue from our house to the Burnham Royal British Legion.  I’ll leave it up to someone else, or not, to tell you about our Boxing Days games and Secret Santa. 

Mum hated it when it was time to go home as dad would say “Come on Vic, get ready we got to go” she would say “Oh Pete!”.  Sometimes she let dad go home on his own because she wanted to carry on the party and would wait for an offer of a lift home with someone.

Mum had many names, and each one is remembered with fond memories:
Fan, Vic, Vicky, Mummy, Mum, Nan, Nanny, Nanny Biscuit, Nanny Apple, Nanny Mint, Grandmother (she hated that one and Matthew would use it to wind her up), Plum, Auntie Vic, Auntie Vicky, John would greet her with a “hello Mother-in-Law”, and she would fondly reply “hello son-in-law”.

James would like to let you all know why they called mum Nanny Biscuit.  In James’s words:  When we were kids, mum used to take us to nanny’s house and as soon as we sat down, she would have her blue Tupperware box in her hand offering out caramels, penguins or blue wafers.  My personal favourite were the “moo cow” biscuits, and hence the name stuck – Nanny Biscuit.  Now, every time I dunk a biscuit in a tea or see “moo cow” biscuits on a shop shelf, I’ll always think of you, Nanny Biscuit.

Talking of names when mum tried to call one of us, she would run through all our names before she got to the right one 😊 and get cross with herself because she didn’t get it right first time.

Mum hated being on her own and being in her own company so much so when she was making us a cup of tea, she would shout for one of us to come and put sugar and milk in the cups, or when she was dishing up the dinner she would get one of us to come and stir the gravy.  Another one would be when dad was watching the TV and mum was carving the meat with the electric knife he would close the door, she would promptly open the door and say don’t shut me out 😊

Mum was a practical joker (although she didn’t much like jokes being played on her), I can remember when I was 12, I had just taken the 12+ and we were waiting for the results as I had been promised a new bicycle if I passed.  One day mum came into my bedroom in the morning and said we have a surprise for you, we couldn’t wait for your 12+ results, it is downstairs.  I jumped out of bed running down the stairs looking for my new bike.  I couldn’t find it; I looked behind me and there she was a beaming smile on her face and shouted “April Fools”

One of the memories Lisa has, is mum had finished all the housework and Lisa was about to sit on the glass coffee table.  Mum shouted I’ve just cleaned that, so Lisa goes and gets the pouffe and places it on the coffee table and sits on the pouffe and proudly announces that she isn’t sitting on the coffee table anymore.

Mum enjoyed her holidays and in 2003 Mum and Dad bought a timeshare in Maderia which mum loved, she especially enjoyed sharing that holiday with her family and showing them around.  They were also able to swap the Maderia holiday for cruises which took them around the world.

On John’s retirement he took mum and his mum to Gran Canaria.  Mum couldn’t believe that he would take her on his own without me, she was so excited to go on holiday.  She particularly enjoyed the late nights and especially the cups of coffee with Tia Maria in them.  John said she drank quite a few that holiday.  I think that was her last holiday abroad.
Mum got so excited when any of us announced we were pregnant because it meant more babies, particularly if they were girls because she could get their ears pierced, she did love the boys as well 😊

Mum enjoyed knitting especially the cardigans for our babies and hated it when she couldn’t knit any longer.  She also enjoyed being out in the garden gardening with dad and dead-heading the flowers.  In the latter years you would find mum colouring in her books or on her iPad colouring or playing games.  She would also watch the giraffes at the zoo via the live cam, she would tell you all about what she had seen especially when one of the giraffes was pregnant and gave birth.   When mum was out in the evening or at a party when any rock and roll music came on you would find mum and dad on the dance floor jiving.  Mum was so graceful, elegant and full of energy even with her bad heart.  Dad would catch hold of mum’s hand and swing her left and right the delight on their faces was a wonder to be seen.  Mum and dad tried to teach us, but I think Lisa got the hang of it more than any of us.

For those that met mum would know she was a caring, loving, determined, feisty when she needed to be, you would never want to get on the wrong side of her but most of all family orientated.

Now here is a bit of history about our mum, I can’t promise that this will be short as I have to fit in almost 8 decades:

Mum was born the day after VE day – 9th May 1945 hence her name Victoria May.  She was born to two wonderful parents Elsie and Eddie Fraser who were deaf and mute. She was their 3rd child (2nd daughter), Uncle Brian and Auntie Barbara were already born, Uncle Ray came 2 years later.

Mum lived with nanny and grandad, with her brothers and sister on the Hill Farm Estate in Balby Road until she was about 8 years old. She went to Balby Road School and later to Holland Park School where she was very proud to tell you that part of the school uniform was a straw boater.  We knew mum loved ballet and tap as she would often show us the ballet feet positions and the tap dance move, shuffle ball change.  Did mum actually do ballet? – the fact was that her ballet teacher turned out to be Auntie Barb as she showed mum what she had learnt after her ballet lessons 😊.

We asked mums siblings what was it like growing up with mum.  Uncle Brian remembers mum always being a bundle of bloody trouble!  He remembers taking mum and Uncle Ray in the big pram to nursery and when he collected them in the afternoon he would scare them witless by pretending to let go of the pram going downhill, this was at St Charles Square in London.  Uncle Brian says he loves all his siblings but he also remembers helping to bring them up which made him very protective of them.  Auntie Vi has fond memories of mum when she was 15 going to live with her for 6 months while Uncle Brian was away being conscripted after the war just after they were married.  Auntie Vi also says they had quite a good time! But didn’t want to elaborate any further.  Auntie Barb reminisced about mum never leaving her side and was the typical annoying little sister that would cling onto her and always try to get into her bed.  Auntie Barb even had to take her on dates with Uncle Fred.  So, from an early age mum was showing signs of not wanting to be on her own.

Uncle Ray remembered how he and mum used to get up to mischief with Nanny and try to confuse her by swapping their clothes, - what he didn’t say was at what age they stopped doing that 😊.

Mum was proud of the fact that Nanny & Grandad had reared chickens and one of the only families that didn’t have to have powdered eggs.  She would tell us of the wonderful clothes that Nanny and Grandad would make for her and her siblings as those of you that don’t know Nanny & Grandad were tailors.

As I mentioned earlier mum was loyal and caring and she showed this even when she was growing up as she would be the ears and voice of Nanny & Grandad signing for them at appointments and anything else they needed her for.  I was recently listening to an interview that Tia did with mum about her growing up with deaf parents and mum was sharing how much better she was at signing than her brothers and sister because when Grandad tested them, the winner got 10 shillings.  After a few times she wasn’t allowed to take part any longer because she kept winning.  The secret she let out in the interview, not sure if you know this, Uncle Brian, Auntie Barba and Uncle Ray is that Grandad always gave her the money that she could have won. 😊.  When mum was very poorly through her illness, she would revert back to sign language, the carers and nurses thought mum was just making signs with her hands and realised when we told them that sign language was mums first language, when she was getting a little better she even taught the carers and nurses a bit.  One of the porters in the hospital who was deaf was amazed that he could actually communicate with someone, and mum was so very pleased she made his day.

Mum always wanted to be an actress when she grew up but knew that this would take her away from Nanny & Grandad so when she left school at 15 she got a job at the BBC as a runner, running scripts to all the studios and actors.  Mum even told us that she did the test run for the test card girl that was shown on the BBC when there were no programs.

Mum met our dad when she was 16 while she was still working at the BBC, he was going out with her cousin.  Dad quickly ditched the cousin and started going out with mum (we are so very glad he did).  Their relationship was on and off a few times, but mum obviously knew he was the man she was going to marry whether he liked it or not as she would stalk him when they broke up until he relented to go back out with her, he obviously knew mum was a good catch.  On one of the off occasions, she was such a good actress, that she faked having appendicitis and convinced the doctors to take her appendix out which made dad go running to her side even though he was meant to be going to the cinema.

Dad told us of the time when mum was working for a company in Notting Hill and he went to meet her after she had finished work.  One of the ladies mum was working with told dad that mum didn’t work there anymore and had got a new job that day at Pall Mall printers down Balby Road.  Just goes to show that mum would not take any nonsense from anyone even her employers and was able to walk out of one job into another the same day.

Mum and Dad married on 1st May 1965 at Kensington Registry Office, mum was 19 and dad was 22.  Their wedding car was dad’s, an Armstrong Sidley he and mum were very proud of that car and felt they were a bit posh having it.  Unfortunately, dad couldn’t afford to keep it running so Uncle Brian bought it from them.  After mum and dad were married, they went to live with Nanny and Grandad in Harrow, preparing for their 1st baby in October that same year (by the way in case anyone didn’t know that’s me), so for those of you trying to do the maths yes I was at mum and dad’s wedding but invisible to the outsider.  Mum always told me that I was no accident, that they meant to get pregnant because that was the only way Nanny and Grandad would allow them to get married, so it definitely wasn’t a shotgun wedding.

Whilst we were living in various places around London, mum and dad went onto having 2 more babies Lisa 3 years after me and Nicola (mum proudly announces 17 months after Lisa).  I can remember one day when we lived in Wandsworth mum and dad packing everything up from our 2 bedroom flat very quickly to go and live in South Woodford. Turns out we were running from the rent man.  Mum later told me that they had to leave my beautiful twin silver cross dolls pram in the garden as there wasn’t room for it in the van - Dad you owe me 😊

So, we settled in South Woodford in a two-bedroom flat mum, dad and us 3 girls.  Us girls loved that flat there was so many places to explore we even had a cellar.  One of the memories mum always used to recall is when we walked into her bedroom in the morning on a school day and she sleepy woke up to notice that all our faces were black.  She thought she was dreaming and then quickly realised something was wrong.  Nicola had woken up in the night sleepwalking and knocked the paraffin heater but the safety shutter had only half shutdown so there was soot everywhere, in every room Nicola walked into and left the door open, it was all over us.  The smell of smoke was in the flat for ages and dad wasn’t too happy about having to decorate everywhere 😊.

After about 4 years whilst we were still in South Woodford, mum fell pregnant again, mum and dad were hoping to have a boy this time and were going to call him Barry (I don’t know why they chose that name as me, Lisa and Nicola were all going to be Troy).  Anyway, as you know Barry wasn’t to be and we had Donna instead a beautiful 10lber baby.  Mum was so proud that she was able to deliver such a big baby even though she took 3 days to come into this world.

Donna was 6 months old when we moved to Slough, my sisters and I had never heard of Slough and were really upset that we would have to leave our friends but mum assured us that the house we were going to was big enough to fit us all in and I could even have a bedroom of my own but actually I had to share it with Donna.

One particular occasion dad took mum for a night out at the Lakeside Country Club to watch Mike Yarwood for her birthday.  When I asked her if she had a nice time, she said he was rubbish and that she didn’t like Mike Yarwood so dad must have given her another present because 9 months later our baby sister Tina-Marie was born.  Mum got to her half-way goal of having 10 children 😊

Growing up we were a typical working class family dad went out to work whilst mum stayed at home looking after us.  Although we weren’t rich that didn’t stop mum (and dad) making sure we had everything we needed (or wanted).  We were the smartest dressed kids at school, every September we would have sparkly new uniforms and school shoes and new stationery to boot.
Mum made Christmases so special for us.  Her and dad would go out shopping for the gifts and hide them all over the place.  We always got we wanted for Christmas and more.  Dad would get the Christmas decorations down and mum would tell him where to put them.  You couldn’t see the ceiling through the paper chains.  As I have mentioned before mum hated being on her own so when it was time to wrap the presents and my sisters were in bed I would go and help her whilst dad was out or at work.  When I left home it fell to the next eldest to wrap the presents.  When we all left home, she still got someone involved to help wrap them for the us and the grandchildren that were to come along.  One particular Christmas, after I had left home, so not a memory of mine, the turkey was sat downstairs in the utility room defrosting.  Dad went downstairs to collect it for mum.  Dad shouted from downstairs “Vic, Vic the flipping cat has ate the turkey 😊 or words to that affect. But that didn’t mean Christmas was ruined, Dad rang his brother Uncle Johnny, who owns a butcher’s shop, and luckily still had some turkeys leftover so Dad and Donna travelled to Basingstoke Christmas morning to get one.  Donna’s memories of Christmas were: that she would get so excited that instead of mum leaving a Christmas stocking for her, mum would leave a sick bowl out, with Dettol antiseptic in it because every Christmas Eve, she would be sick… now every time Donna smell Dettol the memory comes flooding back.  When Donna was old enough mum made it Donna’s job to make the trifle and bring up the bottles of Shloer from the garage… two traditions that Donna carries on to this day with Tia and Kai.  One of Tina’s memories of Christmas is when she told mum that she wanted a Gameboy, however very near to Christmas Tina changed her mind and told mum she actually wanted an electric typewriter.  So Christmas morning came but what did she get?  She got both the Gameboy and the typewriter – she was very spoilt.
When we were all at school mum decided she couldn’t stay at home any longer on her own, so she got a job at Timpson shoe shop where I worked as a Saturday girl.  After she had had enough of working with people’s feet she got a job as an auxiliary nurse at Wexham Park Hospital, would you believe it in the Maternity Unit (we know she loved babies so shouldn’t have been a surprise), this was the perfect job for mum.  Whilst she was there, she even went back to studying and gained some NVQ’s.  After Maternity she moved to Ward 1 Orthopaedics which she enjoyed looking after people very much and their broken bones.  This proved to be too physical for mum with the heavy lifting, so she moved over to the Psychiatric Unit working permanent nights which suited her to the ground as she was a night owl.

Mum would always tell people that she was a nurse and dad would pipe up “auxiliary” and mum would give him that look 😊. Mum did have other jobs the last one before she retired was working as a controller for Sheba a Chauffeur company (not a taxi company) which she enjoyed immensely as she could legitimately tell my dad what to do without him complaining.

After her retirement mum, on the odd occasion, was happy to look after some of her grandchildren enabling us to go out to work. She looked after Mia 2-3 days a week when she was about 3 months old allowing Tina to work full-time.  She loved taking Mia to the shops and showing her off to her “Saga” friends in Costa.

Another thing about mum is that she loved tissues, if ever you borrowed a fleece, coat or cardigan the pockets were always full of tissues.  Even when she was poorly, mum had to have a tissue in her hand and down the side of the chair.

People have asked if mum has a faith.  I can tell you that Mum believed in God and gave her life to Jesus in one of the events that the church held many years ago.  Mum knew that one day she would be in heaven with Jesus, Nanny and Grandad.  She would occasionally come to church with me, John and Lisa.  She always said at the end that she really enjoyed being there and wished that she could go more often.  She would find comfort in prayer and all through her illness she would say “pray for me”.  In the quiet times during the hospital stays Lisa and I would play mum some praise and worship music which seemed to settle her when she got agitated.

As you have heard many times already, mum hated being on her own and one of her biggest achievements apart from having us 5 girls is when she travelled halfway across the world, on her own, to go and spend 4 weeks with Nicola, Matthew, James and Daniel (they will always have those special memories).  The journey included a 2-hour stopover in Singapore where she must have made some friends on the plane (I’ll tell you why in a sec).  Nicola drove to the airport with two very excited little boys who were going to see their Nanny Biscuit.  The arrival doors open everyone was piling through but no mum, where was she?  A little while later mum walks through the doors pushing a lady (not much older than herself) in her wheelchair, James and Daniel shouting Nanny, Nanny she signalled to them to wait a sec she needed to deliver the old lady to her relatives.  That was our mum all over making friends wherever she was and caring for others.

Mum, this is another journey you will have to make on your own without us.

Daniel’s memory of mum visiting them in Australia in his words:  I remember when Nan came to visit us in Australia.  It was a hot day and we went to the park.  We all had ice cream and as we were walking back to the car a bird left a present on Nanny’s shoulder.  We all started laughing to the point tears were streaming.  Nan said it was lucky.

May 23rd 2023 is a day etched on our minds and the day that changed all our lives forever.  Mum suffered a significant, devastating stroke.  She was transferred from Wycombe Stroke Hospital to John Radcliffe to have emergency surgery to remove an extensive clot on her brain.  The surgery was a success and they managed to get most, if not all, of the blood clot.  Unfortunately, there was a complication because mum got a chest infection and we were told for the second time to be prepared and the next 48 hours were going to be critical. Mum rallied round and became strong enough to be moved back to Wycombe Hospital, unfortunately because she was from Slough they had to move her to Wexham Park Stroke Rehabilitation unit.  There we were told that mum is unlikely to walk again because her cognitive impairment was too bad for her to work with the Physios.  We discussed with the doctors about bringing mum home as the longer she was in the hospital the further she declined.  On 28th June we managed to get her home for 9 weeks where we were able to work with her to get her walking and going up and down the stairs (with support).  She loved being able to walk out to the garden and sit in her garden chairs and supervise dad working in the garden and having a cigarette.  We thought we were going to get her through this but little did we know that this was not her biggest mountain she would have to climb.  On the 30th of August (dad’s 80th birthday) mum was admitted to hospital again with another suspected stroke and sadly was never to return home.  Whilst she was in hospital mum fell 3 times and on the 3rd time 28th September, she broke her hip and had to have emergency surgery.  She was to remain in hospital for a further 9 weeks until she was relocated to Oak House on 29th November.  Just before Christmas mum took another dip and we were told that it is unlikely mum would not make Christmas but yet again she proved the professionals wrong, and she was able to spend Christmas Day with Dad and Nicola at Donna and Mark’s home. 

During her stay at Oak House we were still able to make some happy memories, we managed to take her out a few times: shopping to Uxbridge where she brought herself a pair of earrings, a pair of boots and 2 jumpers, she was a bit of a shopaholic, in the evening the same day we were able to enjoy a film together at the Oak House Cinema.

Mother’s Day was another special moment when we were able to take her to Nicola and Matthew’s where we had afternoon tea.  Mum really enjoyed that and was even able to crack a joke or two. Mum really enjoyed being with her girls and would get severe FOMO if she thought we had planned anything without her, not that we ever did.

Fast forward to April 2024, almost 11 months since mum had her stroke she suddenly became very ill, we had hoped that this was another dip but sadly mum fell asleep for the last time on 8th April at 6.26am.  We take comfort in knowing that we did everything we possibly could for our beautiful mum with no regrets and know that she is now in heaven with her mum and dad.

Mum always wanted a big family and she certainly achieved that with:-

1 husband, 5 Daughters, 5 Son-In-Laws, 17 Grandchildren, 11 Great Grandchildren, a mum and dad, 3 siblings, a mother and father-in-law, 11 sister/brother-in-laws, 12 nieces and nephews and so many more great nieces and nephews.

Mum will be sorely missed by everyone in particular:-

Peter (our dad and devoted husband)
Me and John, Lisa, Nicola and Matthew, Donna and Mark, Tina and David and her Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren:-
Michael, Matthew, Nathan, Christopher, David, Merissa, Chloe, Tyler, Lia, James, Daniel, Tia, Kai, Jake, Georgia, Danielle, Mia, Fraser, Isabella, Savannah, Shai, Skyla, Ella-Rae, Elsie, Edie, Freddie, Romee and Eloise and by her grandchildren-in-laws, Gina, Nicole, Chelsea, Carl and Robert.

Mum, I don’t want this eulogy to end because it means I have to say goodbye and I really don’t want to so I will say “see you later, love you”.  I need to give the others a chance to say something wonderful about you.